You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
