...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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