a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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