I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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