I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
