yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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