kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
