I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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