I wish my penis had an off switch
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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