Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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