i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
