I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
