Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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