Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
