____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
this hospital has no fireball
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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