I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
