Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
