Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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