So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
