Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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