I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
