since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
