There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
