We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I believe in your delicious
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