planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
