apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
