She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
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