Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
