if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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