**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I think I won the penis lottery.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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