I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
