you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Randomize
