I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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