You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
