Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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