his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize