I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
