Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
one might say we're banned from that church
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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