When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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