tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
