So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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