Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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