I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
