I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
