I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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