I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
