I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
