I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
