You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
