he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
