Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
