its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
