I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize