The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
