Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
