my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
