what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
