Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize