I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
