I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
