You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
