There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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