did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Still dying that you shit outside
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize