Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just gift wrapped bread.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
