my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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