I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
