Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
