why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
