Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
