apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
